Haikus for an Ex

By Anonymous Commentors on madddgrrrl.com + facebook MG01_009

“You’re a fucking cunt.” “No one wants you. Too ugly.” “You’re a cumbucket.”

You said, “stop reading Virginia Woolf- it’s sad.” I thought, “you’re the worst.”

Why didn’t your mom teach you to soap your bottom It smelled so so bad

You were my soulmate For that night I could ignore Your awful tattoos.

I’m moving away He likes Patagonia You can’t afford it

Left at the altar No wait, a falafel joint Still love falafel

You hurt me real bad But not nearly as bad as I hurt your best friend

You do not like cats We were never meant to be At least there’s Star Trek

When finally I Thought the texts had stopped, you sent A death threat tweet. Damn.

Finally came back, afraid, to see a doctor. You won’t come with me.

Amputated love Go now please dissolve from me Better luck next time

We played hide and seek At the bar all summer long Why didn’t you call?

I said, “he’s a creep.” “Woody Allen is perfect.” “This isn’t working.”

Valentines Day soon Remember heart shaped pizza? Think it still tastes good?

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